Erect vs. Flaccid

There are a number of men who feel they possess a small penis when, in fact, they possess is a small flaccid penis, but an average or above average erect penis. Many men with small flaccid penises are subjected to humiliation as they undress in front of other men -- usually in a locker room environment. This humiliation can leave psychological scars that last a lifetime, regardless of how endowed they are when erect. But one thing that becomes obvious when one becomes sexually experienced is that flaccid size has very little relationship to erect size. I know that the men who have been teased by others for having a small penis have real issues and often lack sexual confidence. It takes quite a lot of therapy to alter their perception of themselves.

But the ones I am most interested in are those who have small erect penises. A man is most vulnerable when he exposes his erect penis to a lover. This is why so many (not all!) men who have small penises are submissive. Women who humiliate their lovers for having a small penis (either verbally or through infidelity) have a much greater impact on their psyche. Of course, there are a number of men who relish the idea of being humiliated by a woman for having an under-sized erection, which takes us back to my previous post: cuckoldry.

How many of you have small erections and how man have small flaccid penises, and, how many of you have both?

Cuckold

Some men who possess a small penis have cuckold fantasies, though most, in reality, only pursue this fantasy online -- never sharing their desires with their wife or lover. There are a few who actually live this lifestyle, but it is not one I recommend unless you and your lover have a strong relationship. Many relationships have dissolved because of the introduction of one or more lovers into the bedroom. It takes a special couple to successfully live the cuckold lifestyle where both achieve some measure of pleasure and still keep their love for one another alive.

I would like to put the question to you. Do any of you have cuckold fantasies? If so, why? What do you think is the root cause for this desire?

Therapy Sessions

While most the clients I worked with in Florida were men, I did counsel couples and women. I was surprised how many women would schedule an appointment with me -- about 25% of my clients. Some were there because their husband or boyfriend was overly concerned about the size of their penis and it was affecting their love life. The women really didn't care and in some cases felt their lover's penis wasn't small at all.

I also had some female clients who were concerned with the size of their lover's penis. In most cases, their desires were superficial. Just as some men feel their penis should at least be a certain size, a few women feel their lovers should measure up to an arbitrary standard. This standard is usually based on past sexual experience or the viewing of too many pornographic images. One trick I used is to compare their lover's penis with other penises (small and average). In my office, I always kept modeling clay. I would have the woman recreate her lover's penis -- focusing mostly on the length and girth and less on appearance, though some were true artists -- then I would have them compare their lover's penis with other models I had in my office. Most times, we would discover their lover's penis was quite average. There were a few small ones, but once they saw that there were other men as small or smaller, a light seemed to click. Again, their desires were superficial and once they got over the mental block that something was wrong with their lover, they were able to accept them as they were.

So, couples and women who have dealt with this issue, your comments are welcome as well.

Small Penis and Porn

One of the big problems I have with the porn industry is its insistence to perpetuate the myth that most men have large penises and that women need large penises in order to enjoy sex. How many pornographic movies have you seen where the male had a small penis? There aren't many. I think this is harmful, both to men and women. What if a young woman's only sexual knowledge comes from an adult film and her boyfriend possesses an average sized penis? How will she react? How does a young man feel if he only sees large penises loved and sought after by adult film actresses while he is moderately endowed with 5 inches? I see a myriad of problems, from depression to sexual dysfunction.

I think it would be nice if someone would make a pornographic movie with men who possess small to average sized penises.

The Trouble with Girth

Most women who feel size matters lean more toward the importance of girth over length. The average girth of an erect penis is between 4.0 inches and 4.75 inches. Girth, of course, is the circumference of the penis. Men who have a girth under 4.0 inches are thin, while those with a girth less than 3.5 inches are considered to be extremely thin. The men in this range sometimes suffer from any number of problems when having sex. First, condoms are difficult to keep on. While they are labeled as "one size fits all", this really applies to length, not girth. Second, they may not be able to feel as much as their more endowed brethren as their penis slips into the vagina making minimal contact with the vaginal walls. These are humiliating experiences. Most of the men I worked with suffered from having extremely thin penises. Many of them had sexual encounters that ended during sex itself -- either because the condom kept slipping off, or neither party was experiencing sexual pleasure. So, how do you get over this? What can you do?

If you feel you have an extremely thin penis, write me a note in the comments section and we'll begin your therapy.

Small and Fast

One problem I often help men with small penises with is premature ejaculation. Now, there are quite a few men out there who suffer from PE who do not have small penises and are quite confident in their size. There are two schools of thought here and I think it is a little of both. Number one, if you are not confident in the size of your penis, you focus too much on it during sex. Focusing all your attention on your penis - wondering if she thinks it is too small, how you think it feels in her -- makes it difficult to maintain some measure of control. Number two, a man is most vulnerable when he ejaculates -- mentally, physically, and sexually -- ejaculation is a form of submission. When a man feels he doesn't measure up, a part of him coils in submission to his female lover. He may not feel submissive because it is hidden, deep down inside.

Myself, I think it is a combination of both. As I stated in an earlier post, honesty helps immensely. If you have a small penis and you let her know and you discuss it with her, chances are you will be more at ease and perhaps a little more confident when you have intercourse. You might even notice you last much longer.

The Truth

The truth is, about 20% of women feel that penis size does matter*. Most prefer girth, some prefer length, and some prefer length and girth. Within that 20% is a group of women, like me, who prefer smaller ones. There is an even larger percentage of women -- about 70% -- who feel penis size doesn't matter at all. But how does that help you if you have a small penis?

Well, not much really. The odds are in your favor each time you expose yourself to a new lover, but they aren't great odds. If you have a small penis and you hook up with a potential size queen, there's only a couple of options for you. Number one, be honest. If your penis is considered small according to my definition, then let her know beforehand that you have a small penis. Don't be ashamed of it. Be up front and proud about it. A woman who is surprised by a small penis is likely to find some way to distance herself from you. But we are communicative creatures. If you tell us you have a small penis, you are opening up to us in a way most men can't. That will put even the most stringent size queen on the defensive. Number two, please her every way you can -- orally and manually. If you are unsure how to do that, ask her to guide you. Trust me...She'll guide you.


* Of those that believe size does matter, about 85% feel that an average penis is fine - even those at the lower end of average.

Also, of the women who feel size matters, most feel that way for superficial reasons -- the same way they want to find a man who makes more than $100,000 per year, or drives a nice car. Most of these women soon discover what real life is all about and end up quite happy not trying to live their lives to some imaginary and unrealistic checklist.

A small penis

I think I should begin this blog with a simple definition for "small penis".

Many men feel they have an inadequate penis simply because the length is short of six inches. But a short penis does not necessarily equate with a small penis. A small penis is both shorter than average and thinner than average. In fact, the few women who feel that penis size truly matters really prefer girth over everything else. So what is a small penis? Any erect penis that measures under 4.5 inches in length and under 4 inches in girth (circumference) is a small penis. The average sized penis is between 4.5 and 5.5 inches in length and 4.0 and 4.75 inches in girth. So if your penis falls within those parameters, it is considered  average.

If your penis falls below both if those parameters, then your penis is considered small. That's who I'm here for.


Kathy