Tuesday, March 31, 2009
It seems men are always curious about how they measure up. This is why they are more preoccupied with size than most females. But one dark side of life and relationships that truly brings this to the forefront is when a man's lover has an affair. The pain and humiliation is sometimes accompanied by a lingering -- nagging -- thought: I bet his penis is larger than mine. Believe it or not, this sudden fear is felt by men with average to large penises. But the men who are under-endowed suffer greatly. At the core, they are most certain the lover their girlfriend or wife had taken was more endowed than they. They wonder if she initiated the affair because she needed a larger penis; they wonder if she enjoyed it much more; and if she would ever be able to come back.
Men who suffer through this often suffer physiologically. Many are unable to achieve an erection -- not only with their unfaithful lover, but even new lovers. Only in private masturbation can their penis become erect. Another manifestation is severe premature ejaculation -- lasting only one or two thrusts and sometimes ejaculating before penetration. Sometimes this is combined. I had one client whose wife had an affair with a man whose penis was twice the size of his. They reconciled their relationship, but sex was non existent. He was unable to muster more than 1/2 an erection (about 2.5 inches and less than 3 inches in circumference -- his full status was 4 inches by 3.5 inches). Even with this, his wife still pursued intercourse, but he either ejaculated in her hand as she guided him in, or once he penetrated -- before even thrusting.
He was one who never accepted his penis was small -- never wanted to think about it or confront his insecurity. It wasn't until his wife had the affair that he had to face this powerful internal fear. Part of their therapy was to accept his small penis, and to realize this was only one part of who he is as a man and lover. His wife opened up about her feelings towards him as a husband and as a lover. She also discussed in detail lovers she had previous to their relationship and did the same with her three encounters with her latest lover. While she divulged her sexual history, I had her gently caress his penis. Within thirty minutes, he was completely erect, but ejaculated almost at once. I had her continue caressing and discussing in detail her sexual history. When she was done, he was fully erect again. I told her to mount him and to move very slowly. He was able to last about five minutes.
This, of course, did not take place on their first session, but on their 9th. It took quite a while for them both to open up. But theirs is a story of comparisons -- ones many make each day. How often do you hear about a woman cheating on her husband and wonder, I bet her lover has a bigger penis than her husband!
It's a thought mostly shared by men, but a popular one nonetheless.