Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Quick Draw



I have had several debates with colleagues regarding penis size and chronic premature ejaculation.  Granted there are many men out there who suffer from premature ejaculation for a variety of reasons, but I am focused on those men with small erect endowments who tend to ejaculate prematurely at a higher rate than men with average to above average erect endowments.

My belief is that a man with a small cock is so focused on his cock that any other sensation is almost ignored.  All he feels is the wetness and warmth surrounding his cock -- almost everything else is blocked out.  When this happens, the sensation is greatly heightened and ejaculation culminates in a matter of seconds.

One colleague feels that ejaculation is a kind of surrender or submission.  She feels that men with small cocks who suffer from chronic PE feel submissive when they have exposed their erections to a woman -- even one they trust and love -- and that ejacualtion is but an unconscious reaction of that submission.

I don't know...The men I've worked with have stated over and over that they think of nothing but their small cocks once they are erect in front of a lover.  Could they be unconsciouly submitting to their lovers? I don't know...

Of course, not all men who suffer from chronic PE have small penises.  And there are many men with average or larger cocks who suffer from PE, but even those who are average and above average can lose control if they focus only on their cocks.

For those men who feel they suffer because they have a small cock, they are already focusing too much on their cock.  It takes time and patience to learn how to enjoy every aspect of sex.  Again, it all boils down to open and honest communication.  If you suffer from PE and are constantly thinking about the size of your cock, tell your lover!  That simple act might open a dialogue that will lead to better understanding and better sex for both of you.

My advice for all lovers:

Ask direct questions; give explicit answers; share dark fantasies; tell your lover what you imagined the last time you masturbated; and take turns telling each other exactly what you want your lover to do


32 comments:

  1. This is a very thought provoking topic. I wonder if there has ever been a study about the correlation of PE and male penis size?

    As a man with a very small erect penis who cums quickly, this is something that interests me. Fortunately for me, my wife is very orgasmic and can cum almost instantly when I enter her. We have talked about this, and I expressed my frustration at not being able to last very long for her. Maybe she is in the minority, but her response was it didn’t bother her at all that I came quickly, in fact, she said it kind of excited her – knowing I was so turned on I couldn’t contain myself.

    Your colleague poses an interesting theory. I know that every time I do expose my small erection to my wife, I‘m very aware of how small I am, and I know she is aware of it also. And yes, I always feel very submissive when I expose my small penis to my wife. My quick ejaculation may very well be an unconscious reaction to my submission. Fortunately for me, we do have good communication and are able to discuss issues like this and deal with them openly.

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    1. If you are able to last long enough to please your lover, you do not really suffer from PE. However, one to two minutes may not be long enough for most women.

      Do you openly discuss your small penis with your wife?

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  2. In your discussion of length vs girth you describe my exact measurements of 6" long and 4" girth as a "very small penis " . My thin penis has always been humiliating .Perhaps because of my feelings that my penis is too thin to satisfy any woman I don't seem to last very long , maybe several minutes and my dick feels like a pencil in a cave .As a therapist would you say that a man who cums in 2 or 3 minutes suffers from PE , and is a guy with a boy sized girth like mine equipped to ever satisfy a woman ? Also it seems as I get older my older partners seem looser , due to childbirth or long term relationships with men with much thicker penises .

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    1. Two or three minutes is fast, but usually does not count as PE. Most men who suffer from PE ejaculate just prior to entry, at entry, or within a few seconds of entry.

      The length of your penis is average, but your girth is certainly below average. But yes, of course you can satisfy most women. There are a few women who feel so strongly that size matters that they mentally shut themselves off to any pleasure they might feel. But the overwhelming majority of women will get great satisfaction from your erect penis (if you can work on your stamina).

      If you think your quickness is due to your concerns over the girth of your penis, you need to engage your lovers. Don't ask them if they think it's small, instead tell them that you are below average in girth. Make it a fact and then discuss it. Over time, you will become more comfortable with your penis and you may find that you last longer.

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  3. Hi Kathy,

    Yes we do, but it wasn’t always that way. I used to be very self-conscious about having a small penis but several years ago I went and talked to a therapist about it. The result was I finally accepted my small endowment. My wife used to tell me that I had a big penis, which is the worst thing you can say to a small endowed man. All he hears is, you really want a big one, or you wish his was bigger. When I talked to her about it, she admitted she said it because she thought it was what I wanted to hear and she didn’t want to say anything derogatory about my small penis. When I told her what I truly needed and wanted, was complete sexual honesty, our sex life changed. She understood it perfectly and our sexual communication has never been better. Now sometimes during oral sex she will stop and look up at me, and smile and say, “I love sucking your little penis.” Without prompting, she also revealed that I have the smallest penis of any of her previous lovers, some of whom were quite large and very satisfying to her. As a result, we have incorporated a larger, realistic dildo for her to use from time to time. Sometimes she will take it out of the nightstand and say, “Do you think your little dick can compete with this big one?” She knows that challenge will just about take me over the edge. Lastly, she has also confessed that there are some sexual positions that are just not very satisfying to her due to my small size. We have overcome this issue by focusing on small penis sex positions. We have identified about 16-17 positions that are ideal for small endowed men.

    So yes, I would say we openly discuss my small penis, and the new sexual honesty we have has led to improved sexual communication and sex.

    Steve
    (play613796@aol.com)

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  4. Kathy, 1st i am so glad ur back. I stubbled onto your site last year & had assumed i had missed the boat. It is truly rare to find a woman/ therapist who is not sayin all the typical jus bs them that all penises are normal & make him feel as tho he is being silly until he shuts up (as you point out patronizing, denial & pity only make us feel worse) thank you for helping men & wives be able to just face it and honestly talk about his lack of endowment.
    As to the 2 ideas about small penis perception causing PE I agree both seem logical, but i noticed something else that may be an issue for very small peepees like mine. If i push as far in as i can & very lil stokes i last much longer but if i try to actually do much i constantly push in & out past the ring at her enterance this causes alot of friction on my glands & i only last 30 seconds to maybe 2mins. My wife told me she honestly doesnt mind because i only get her all worked up if i last much longer & that with my size that leaves her extremely fustrated. As i don go down on her after i ejaculate there.

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    1. My dear, sex is all about the exchange of bodily fluids. You shouldn't be so hesitant to go down on your wife after you have ejaculated. I always allow my lovers to ejaculate into my mouth as long as they are up for a long, swirling french kiss after wards.

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  5. i got a "small problem" bay... wanted to have place where i could be open about it, kinda free myself a bit you kno. But honestly most ppl r kinda fake on the net. I saw ur posts n was kinda drawn in,
    I guess also being doctor you've heard of microphallus? Maybe seen it? Well, found out due to overhearing nurses chatting (they thot i was asleep) i had been in the hospital for lithotripsy to blast kidney stones. long & da short of it (blush pun lol) is i told my wife honesty is far bettter than pitty & coddling. So we had some long talks it turned out she deserved the pity 10yrs of frustration ... i said if you need some side play i'll try n understand so she did find somone to play with she is so much happier (she usta get sad & moody alot) she lves to make love to me now too as she is not left indefinately horney & understimulated... i even get quite horney thinking about how much pleasure she is getting... but while she is with him i feel literally sick & crazy :( also when she gets home i kiss her very stretched & red peach... to make her relax a bit and gush for me but then if i go in she gets no sensation from me at all & has actually passed out during. I feel honery sowhow. By the embareassment but as soon as i come i feel sooo worthless & depressed. Yet she told her best girlfriend our situation drunk one nite & her girl thot it was hilarious yet that i was cool to understand she shouldnt suffer over my shortcummins. I was beet red yet liking the flushed feelin when my wife showed her a cell pone pic of my wenis n then one of his her friend was shocked lusted his dong n compared mine to her 6yr olds while giggling i almost came in my pants! But now sober i cant even look her in the eye which at 1st tickled her, but now she kinda acts like she feels sorry for me like kid... sorry im being wordy im just trying to understand my very mixed feelings here & am left wondering if its merely an equipment issue n maybe an ego boost for my wife or if as our doctor later told me physically it shouldnt matter. Yet, even then she examined my penis for the 1st time and i noticed her seem to be at a loss when she saw it, so i brought up wat the nurses had said she agreed & then immediately spouted about it not being a sexual issue as if reading a rehearsed script??? Im a lil confused at this point obviously.. thanks for reading this far tho xoxo -shane

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    1. You should always discuss your concerns with your wife -- even if things seem to be working. One thing I am concerned with is her taking on a lover out of your presence. This should be something you both participate in. She needs to see you are a very important part of her sex life -- even when it's not your penis inside of her.

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  6. Hi Kathy,
    As someone with a small penis (4" x 3.5") and has had PE even at a young age before understanding how small it was I can hopefully give some input here. For me it definately started out as too intense a focus from either the lack of being able to get a woman to commit fully to a sexual act or possibly from my desire to obtain and retain an erection long enough (yes.. ED as well). But as the years went on there is definately a submission that also began to take place as well (it is a large range of emotions that take place when you only last 10-20 seconds and finish 50% of the time even before you are erect). Do others with small size also suffer from ED as well in your experiances? Could it also be some sort of biological factor that limits size development as well as function?

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    1. I have found that on average men with small erect penises (or who feel they are inadequate) often suffer from PE. I believe it is psychological in that they focus solely on that part of their body during sex, but the jury is still out. No one really knows for sure.

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  7. She had me listen on the phone last night (i think sshe is afraid i would be likely to knock him out) it was so unnerving i got so shaken. After hearing the sounds she makes for him i got very turned on i literally came without touching myself. Very mixed feelings. Why do i get so turned on yet so jelious & also feel so useless to her in a man way. I almost feel like she is merely nuturing me during intercourse.... any input appreciated. Ty

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  8. my erect penis is 4.7" long and 4"in girth and i cum very fast most times

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  9. As a little guy ( 4.2" length , 4 " girth ) who has a hair-trigger boydick I have similiar issues to Shane . After having been dumped by a wife and 2 live-in GFs due to smalldick and PE complaints the second GF took me back but only with the understanding that she could fool around . She has her big-cocked ex come to our house . I babysit ( their kid , I always cum too fast to procreate ) while I can hear how long HE lasts , an hour or more compared to my 30 seconds . I wind up frustrated , humiliated, very jealous but also turned on , having seen photos of his 8" long and thick tool .She screams in pleasure , so loud I'm afraid they'll wake up the kid .Before we got bacvk together though , it was no better . I 'd pick up a woman but like most guys with smalldicks it was so rare I'd cum immediately , in my pants or they would touch me and I would ejaculate immediately . One woman I hooked up with made fun of how small I was which also turned me on but when she offered to give me a blowjob as soon as I felt her hot breath on my little guy I came immediately . Wondering what sort of therapy can help with my problem .

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    1. If your feelings of inadequacy are causing your PE, you need to rethink your life choices. I think you need to end one night stands because you will not get the kind of communication you need to help you with your problem. You need to find a woman who will listen to you and who will not shy away from a discussion about the size of your penis. Only through that openness can you become more centered and self assured, which might help you last longer (and lots of practice).

      You should also experiment with cock rings. Don't wear one for more than 45 minutes because it can cause damage, but it will make your erect penis appear more swollen and you will not lose your erection after ejaculation.

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  10. Like the others here, Im on the small side...3.5 long by just over 3.5 around. I have the opposite problem from the other posters here...it takes me forever to cum, to the point my wife gets sore. Yes, we take breaks and indulge in other activities but that usually makes it worse.

    Actually, I would love to trade places with the guys here...believe me,the other side of the coin isnt fun either.

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    1. Are you uncircumcised? Sometimes that can make a difference. When you masterbate, does it take long for you to orgasm?

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  11. Im circumcised. Generally when I masturbate, it takes me anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes to reach orgasm.

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  12. Hello cathy . I m french .I no speack english. I have à small pénis .12 cm .I love speack for you sorry for my imperfect english

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  13. Just trying to understand you correctly. You have a fetish for looking at and talking about small penis'? Or do you have a fetish for having sex with under endowed men? If so, do you enjoy above average as well? Thank you Cathy. Happy New Year!

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  14. I'm 7in long and 5.5 in girth. I last maybe 10-15 min. Is this pe? I tend to focus on my size due to inadequate feelings. Is there any advice as to how I can retain my erection once I do come?

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  15. mine is 5 inches long and 1.25 in width? I think its small for my age im 18.

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  16. I'm 4.3", length and girth, and I have a very strong desire to release prematurely. How can I speed up my release? Thanks.

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  17. Good gosh,

    I'm so much like the other guys that replied.

    I have a small (actually tiny) penis and most of the time I ejaculate too soon.

    There has been a few time where I spurted just when my penis head touched the girl's vagina lips.
    Both she and I hated it.
    James A

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  18. I have this friend (girl) who is trying to help me with my PE problem.
    The first few times we tried it I came before my cock even touched her pussy.
    The most recent 2 times, we got the head of my cock inside her and did not move. I came within a few seconds but it's a start.
    JamesA

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  19. I found a new way to enlarge your penis it has been tested and proven and sold over 3million bottle so get yours here
    http://d2a48jp9z76-8x6gmbkrh82q5j.hop.clickbank.net/

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  20. I always jugged a glass of wine to last longer. But I last way too long. It hurts at that point. Sober I last about a minute. But it has to be with a partner. Masterbation I last 5 min no matter what.

    I'm 4.5 inches erect. And chubby with perky male breast. I don't feel confident.that the fact I have small penis and breast. Only reason why I get laid because I really fake my confidence and I'm upper middle class..

    I wonder if there's young women. That like that?. Haha

    I named my my penis cuteness.

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    1. I mean like perky boobs and small penis haha

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  21. As posted elsewhere,I have a very large penis-at least 8",(and wide too,not how wide but over6" i think) but can only last a minute or so,and then often dont even eqaculate,but just lose my erection.

    Do understand what your saying kathy-about communication understanding etc-but in real world few women like that(most tell me I just cant satisfy them:my wife older than me but says Id never last long enough for a women my age).

    Anyway,it goes to show that size doesnt matter-its what you do with it that counts!.I think there are probably more men who suffer from impotence or p.e.-or are just "lousy lays"!who have big cocks than there are small ones.

    Anyway,would be great to hear your view Kathy

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  22. Kathy, I am not circumcised because I was so underdeveloped sexual at my premature birth.
    The doctor told my mom it was too much of a risk.
    Even today, no doctor recommends it because of my near-micro size.
    So the foreskin covers everything and it's almost painful to touch my penis head. Rarely can I even retract the skin now. And to top it off, I almost always ejaculate the moment I'm touched. Sometimes I ejaculate by just the thought of it.
    Anybody else have this?

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  23. Being a tiny penis man at 3.5 inches with a PE problem too, my Wife uses this to Her advantage by teasing me about my tiny penis, which does make me feel very submissive to Her. She knows with enough talk, that i will cum without even getting inside, and She will make me clean her orally while She gets off from having me do this. She claims it is very satisfying to Her. If i do get inside before i release, She will ask me if i am in, and did i cum yet, which usually causes me to let go, so at best i last maybe a minute if i even get inside.

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