Comparisons

It seems men are always curious about how they measure up. This is why they are more preoccupied with size than most females. But one dark side of life and relationships that truly brings this to the forefront is when a man's lover has an affair. The pain and humiliation is sometimes accompanied by a lingering -- nagging -- thought: I bet his penis is larger than mine. Believe it or not, this sudden fear is felt by men with average to large penises. But the men who are under-endowed suffer greatly. At the core, they are most certain the lover their girlfriend or wife had taken was more endowed than they. They wonder if she initiated the affair because she needed a larger penis; they wonder if she enjoyed it much more; and if she would ever be able to come back.

Men who suffer through this often suffer physiologically. Many are unable to achieve an erection -- not only with their unfaithful lover, but even new lovers. Only in private masturbation can their penis become erect. Another manifestation is severe premature ejaculation -- lasting only one or two thrusts and sometimes ejaculating before penetration. Sometimes this is combined. I had one client whose wife had an affair with a man whose penis was twice the size of his. They reconciled their relationship, but sex was non existent. He was unable to muster more than 1/2 an erection (about 2.5 inches and less than 3 inches in circumference -- his full status was 4 inches by 3.5 inches). Even with this, his wife still pursued intercourse, but he either ejaculated in her hand as she guided him in, or once he penetrated -- before even thrusting.

He was one who never accepted his penis was small -- never wanted to think about it or confront his insecurity. It wasn't until his wife had the affair that he had to face this powerful internal fear. Part of their therapy was to accept his small penis, and to realize this was only one part of who he is as a man and lover. His wife opened up about her feelings towards him as a husband and as a lover. She also discussed in detail lovers she had previous to their relationship and did the same with her three encounters with her latest lover. While she divulged her sexual history, I had her gently caress his penis. Within thirty minutes, he was completely erect, but ejaculated almost at once. I had her continue caressing and discussing in detail her sexual history. When she was done, he was fully erect again. I told her to mount him and to move very slowly. He was able to last about five minutes.

This, of course, did not take place on their first session, but on their 9th. It took quite a while for them both to open up. But theirs is a story of comparisons -- ones many make each day. How often do you hear about a woman cheating on her husband and wonder, I bet her lover has a bigger penis than her husband!
It's a thought mostly shared by men, but a popular one nonetheless.

Length Vs. Girth

It seems many men who feel they have a small penis and are more apt to share that fact on websites and have harbor deep desires for humiliation focus mostly on length. They feel if their erect penis doesn't quite reach six inches, they are under-endowed. Length certainly plays a part in what makes a penis small, but it may not be the most significant measurement. Girth is the one key measurement many men overlook when deciding if they possess a small penis. If a man has a six inch erect penis, but has a girth of under 4 inches -- many women would consider that lover to possess a very small penis. Take a man with a 5 inch penis with a 5 inch girth, and you will get an entirely different reaction.

Most women who say size matters focus mostly on girth. It is no surprise that men who have a measured girth of under 4 inches are more apt to be extremely sensitive to this. Most of these men would be mortified by any form of humiliation; their private torture is endured each and every day. This is magnified ten fold if their penis is also below average in length. These poor men do not like lovers to see them naked and prefer as little touching of their private parts as possible. Most of the clients I have worked with who possess such penises take much, much longer to come out of their shell.

But, like all things, communication is always the key. If you have such a penis and are privately enduring this torture, you need to learn to come out of your shell. This kind of internal humiliation is not healthy. You need to first open up -- to yourself. Accept the fact that you have a small penis. So what? Many have small ears, small hands, small breasts -- they are all body parts and they are supposed to come in a variety of shapes and sizes. That's what makes us all different, and it's what makes sex so stimulating and exciting.

Once you have accepted this fact -- open up to your lover. Tell them everything you have suffered for so long. Then tell them you are ready to open a new chapter in your life, and that, with their help, you would love to learn how to enjoy sex.

The last sentence above is true -- most of these men do not enjoy sex. Their orgasm comes quick and there is always a lingering self mutilation of their psyche.

Accept it to yourself; open up to your lover; and move on with your life.

Porn and the Small Penis II

I know I had posted on this topic before, but I have received many comments (both here and via email) regarding penis size and the porn industry. There are a few websites out there who occasionally post a sex series with a man who is less than endowed. But there aren't many and those who do usually post in the context of Fem-Domme, humiliation, and cuckoldry. Those are fine fetishes and fantasies to have, but they cannot be the sole outlet for images of men who have small penises having sex. Many young men visit porn sites and feel that the men pictured represent the norm when they are anything but. Follow this with an inbox full of ads for increased penis size and you can see how an unhealthy complex can evolve. It doesn't stop there. Young women reaching out into the internet to learn about sex are bombarded with the same images and the same ads at times. This gives them a skewed perspective on the male penis.

The key is, as always, communication and openness. Women and men should openly discuss this issue.