Quick Draw

I have had several debates with colleagues regarding penis size and chronic premature ejaculation.  Granted there are many men out there who suffer from premature ejaculation for a variety of reasons, but I am focused on those men with small erect endowments who tend to ejaculate prematurely at a higher rate than men with average to above average erect endowments.

My belief is that a man with a small cock is so focused on his cock that any other sensation is almost ignored.  All he feels is the wetness and warmth surrounding his cock -- almost everything else is blocked out.  When this happens, the sensation is greatly heightened and ejaculation culminates in a matter of seconds.

One colleague feels that ejaculation is a kind of surrender or submission.  She feels that men with small cocks who suffer from chronic PE feel submissive when they have exposed their erections to a woman -- even one they trust and love -- and that ejacualtion is but an unconscious reaction of that submission.

I don't know...The men I've worked with have stated over and over that they think of nothing but their small cocks once they are erect in front of a lover.  Could they be unconsciouly submitting to their lovers? I don't know...

Of course, not all men who suffer from chronic PE have small penises.  And there are many men with average or larger cocks who suffer from PE, but even those who are average and above average can lose control if they focus only on their cocks.

For those men who feel they suffer because they have a small cock, they are already focusing too much on their cock.  It takes time and patience to learn how to enjoy every aspect of sex.  Again, it all boils down to open and honest communication.  If you suffer from PE and are constantly thinking about the size of your cock, tell your lover!  That simple act might open a dialogue that will lead to better understanding and better sex for both of you.

My advice for all lovers:

Ask direct questions; give explicit answers; share dark fantasies; tell your lover what you imagined the last time you masturbated; and take turns telling each other exactly what you want your lover to do

The Woman's Perspective

I have received a lot of emails from women who find themselves on a particular side of the penis size issue.  They are tired of hearing their lovers continually ask if their erect cock is too small for them.

This is a delicate issue because some of these men are genuinely concerned and worried that they are indeed too small.  But, as I have written before, honesty is always the best policy.  Most of the women who have written me said they dismissed their worries with a quick, "It's not small!" or "size doesn't matter!".  These responses are not likely to have the desired effect and will more likely lead to more worry and more questions.

There are also men who WANT to be told they have a small penis, whether they do or not.  This should be treated as any other fantasy/fetish in the bedroom between two honest and consenting adults.  My advice is, tell him what he wants to hear, but make sure that he plays along with any of your fantasies the next time.

But to those who are overly concerned...Here is what I would do:

Take your lover to the bedroom and ask him to remove all of his clothes while you do the same.  Then  ask him to lay on his back while you lie next to him and gently stroke his penis.  Don't talk to him and just shush him if he begins to talk.  Once he is fully erect, ask him if he thinks he has a below average penis.  What ever he says, tell him that the average erect penis is about 4.5 to 5.5 inches in length and about 4.0 to 4.75 inches in girth (objective part).  Then tell him what you think of his penis -- be honest!  (subjective part)  

Take out a fabric tape measure (which is made of cloth and not metal!) and measure his length and then his girth.  If he is average to above average in both categories, you can tell him so.  If he is below average in one category or both, you need to have an honest and deep discussion about his penis.  Start by examining it, note every vein, mole, wrinkle, etc.  You need to totally focus on his penis with your hands and words.  Tell him he has a beautiful penis, one worthy of your full attention.

If your lover asks about other lovers and their cocks, be honest.  If you try to shelter them from humiliation, they'll sense it, which is more humiliating than the truth.

This is something you will have to do at least four times a week for a few months.  They are obsessed with the size of their penis.  You need to share in that obsession for a while, too.

Russian Porn

It's been a long while since I have posted and I apologize. Life, it seems, is always busier than we plan for it to be. Hopefully I can post at least once a week.

I've discovered through a client that many adult websites have Russian or European porn in which men with small erect penises are not rare. With a little search, I was able to find numerous erotic images of men with very small cocks having sex -- usually young men with mature women.

Is this because Europeans are more open about sex than we are in the U.S.? None of the porn sites advertise then men as having small penises either; it's not that big a deal.

Just an observation I thought I would post...

Kat

Famous Erections

This week Keith Richard's book, Life, was released and in it he revealed that Mick Jagger, according to a lover they shared, has a tiny penis. This thrilled me when I first read it, but I know that such revelations are rarely true. And so I was not surprised when Mick's ex-wife Jerry Hall stated to the press that Mick was very well endowed.

Of course, none of his other lovers have stepped forward in his defense...So it does make one wonder.

But there are whispers around Hollywood regarding other celebrity penises -- most about who is well hung (David Letterman, Harrison Ford, Charlie Chaplin). I am interested in those on the opposite end of the penile spectrum. From what I have been able to gather, the smallest of the small belong to Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and potentially Kevin Costner (but Costner's smallness was observed flaccid in cold running water -- hardly a true test).

Have any of you heard of other famous men who possess a small erect penis?

The TS/CD Question

There are a number of transexuals and crossdressers out there who have very small erect penises. But, like all groups, there are also those with large penises and average penises. What seems to happen is that some straight men have begun to fantasize about transexuals who have very feminine qualities (what is often referred to as "passable") and a small erect penis fits the bill. It may be that some men would be turned off by a very effeminate shemale who was more endowed than they, but I think it has more to do with a small penis standing in for a large erect clitoris. Of course, there are also those men who crave well endowed shemales. This is why most websites cater to both. Where you might find ten groups about endowed shemales, there are usually one or two catering to the petite penis.

But these are just my ramblings. What say you?

To Tell or Not to Tell

This question keeps coming up in conversations with women who know what it is I specialize in: Is it ever OK to be honest and tell a man he has a small penis?

The answer depends on the man and the situation. In most cases, I always err on the side of honesty. Most men who have a small penis have already realized this fact. Those who a little shy about this fact may even ask up front if you think it's too small. "Too small" is of course calls for a subjective answer. You might think his penis is small, but not too small.

If this encounter is purely casual in nature and you aren't likely to ever sleep with this man again, I wouldn't stop you from just ignoring his short comings and just open your mind and body and enjoy the sex. But I think it is good and healthy in the long run for him to know exactly where he stacks up. Believe it or not, some men who possess very small erect penises have no idea they are small. The problem stems from the fact that when flaccid, their penis is a normal 3-4 inches. But when erect, they don't grow much at all. Most men, unless they are regular porn viewers, are only exposed to the flaccid penises of other men. If they "measure up" in this respect, they think they are normal. Remember that honesty should always come with compassion. Yes, their penis is small, but perhaps that doesn't matter to you, or maybe they are really good with other aspects of lovemaking.

If someone special to you possesses a small penis, it is always best to discuss this fact openly with other aspects of your love life. If you are in love, you should be able to discuss anything with your lover -- especially sex. And if you are both thinking the same thoughts about his penis anyway, it's best to just get it out in the open and deal with it.

Comparisons

It seems men are always curious about how they measure up. This is why they are more preoccupied with size than most females. But one dark side of life and relationships that truly brings this to the forefront is when a man's lover has an affair. The pain and humiliation is sometimes accompanied by a lingering -- nagging -- thought: I bet his penis is larger than mine. Believe it or not, this sudden fear is felt by men with average to large penises. But the men who are under-endowed suffer greatly. At the core, they are most certain the lover their girlfriend or wife had taken was more endowed than they. They wonder if she initiated the affair because she needed a larger penis; they wonder if she enjoyed it much more; and if she would ever be able to come back.

Men who suffer through this often suffer physiologically. Many are unable to achieve an erection -- not only with their unfaithful lover, but even new lovers. Only in private masturbation can their penis become erect. Another manifestation is severe premature ejaculation -- lasting only one or two thrusts and sometimes ejaculating before penetration. Sometimes this is combined. I had one client whose wife had an affair with a man whose penis was twice the size of his. They reconciled their relationship, but sex was non existent. He was unable to muster more than 1/2 an erection (about 2.5 inches and less than 3 inches in circumference -- his full status was 4 inches by 3.5 inches). Even with this, his wife still pursued intercourse, but he either ejaculated in her hand as she guided him in, or once he penetrated -- before even thrusting.

He was one who never accepted his penis was small -- never wanted to think about it or confront his insecurity. It wasn't until his wife had the affair that he had to face this powerful internal fear. Part of their therapy was to accept his small penis, and to realize this was only one part of who he is as a man and lover. His wife opened up about her feelings towards him as a husband and as a lover. She also discussed in detail lovers she had previous to their relationship and did the same with her three encounters with her latest lover. While she divulged her sexual history, I had her gently caress his penis. Within thirty minutes, he was completely erect, but ejaculated almost at once. I had her continue caressing and discussing in detail her sexual history. When she was done, he was fully erect again. I told her to mount him and to move very slowly. He was able to last about five minutes.

This, of course, did not take place on their first session, but on their 9th. It took quite a while for them both to open up. But theirs is a story of comparisons -- ones many make each day. How often do you hear about a woman cheating on her husband and wonder, I bet her lover has a bigger penis than her husband!
It's a thought mostly shared by men, but a popular one nonetheless.