The Perils of Adultery

From my case files:

Infidelity by a partner is always a traumatic event in a relationship, no matter the gender or endowment of the one being cheated on. But it can be particularly crippling to one who possesses a smaller than average sized penis.

I have counseled many men and couples who struggled to move on from such an affair.


Couple X

"Mary" made an appointment to talk about an issue she had difficulty discussing with me over the phone. When she arrived, she had been crying and had to take a moment to compose herself. Eventually, she confessed that she had been having an affair with a co-worker for several months and that her husband of 12 years found out about it three weeks ago.

She said that another co-worker had alerted him to the affair. She said she loved him and wanted to stay with him and didn't know why she cheated.

I let her take a little break, then I reminded her of my specialty and asked why she came to me. She said that she believed her husband has a small penis, but never measured it. She did say it was much smaller than her lover's penis, which, according to him, was six inches.

She said her husband was devastated and can't sleep in their bedroom with her. She tried to initiate intimacy a week later, but his penis shrunk into itself. She said she continued to fondle his penis, but it wouldn't become erect. After 30 seconds of caressing it, he ejaculated while flaccid, which humiliated him further.

She eventually described how the affair began. Her co-worker was infatuated with another woman in the office who was going through a divorce. He and "Mary" had previously talked about sex and we're comfortable with the subject. He wanted to know if the other woman's soon to be ex was well endowed. She asked why he needed to know that and he replied that he had an average six inch penis and was nervous about pursuing a woman who was used to a larger penis.

So, "Mary" asked her friend, but got a vague "about average" answer. But in the meantime, Mary had been studying her desk ruler and noticed that her co-worker's penis was almost twice the size of her husband's.

She said this made her tingle with excitement. Her husband was the only lover she had ever had and the prospect of a new sensation, something bigger, excited her. She asked her co-worker to walk her to her car and she told him about the other co-worker's husband, then she confessed his penis was much larger than her husband's and it excited her. That's all it took. She said they had sex at least twice a day at work and a few times they met in a forest on weekends. She said his penis felt amazing and that she'd never felt more sexually fulfilled. He was bigger, fucked harder and lasted much longer than her husband.

She didn't experience the guilt of what she had done until she saw the pain in her husband's eyes.

When she was done recounting her encounters with her lover, I asked if she felt any sexual arousal. She admitted she did - just remembering their sex excited her. I asked if she truly did wish to save her marriage and she said yes. She ended the affair when her husband found out.

She said that her husband repeatedly asked if the man had a larger penis and, not wanting to hurt him, said no.

I told her that was the wrong thing to say. Full honesty was the only way to go forward. Plus, if his penis was half the size of a six inch penis, he KNEW his was smaller than her lover's.

She asked if there were ways to get over having a larger penis and I laughed. Of course! Women adjust to smaller penises all the time without much issue. I talked to her about using a dildo/vibrator that was no longer than her husband's penis and thinner. I also told her that she needed to give him all the details he asks for about the affair - to be truthful, especially about her feelings for him and their marriage. Then, I needed to see them both.


Part II:

"Mary" and "Mark" come into my office together.

The Perils of a Sex Blog

It's been a long time.  I really thought I could do some good with my blog (I still do), but after getting my email and phone hacked, I've had to go dark for a period of time.  But, now I have returned with a new vigor.

My email account simply exists to do business on this blog -- I haven't even been checking it for three years.  All questions must be submitted on my blog.  I will answer what I can at least once per week.

Kat

Small Penis and Erection Issues

I would say 90% of the male clients I see have had trouble getting and maintaining erections on a regular basis.  There are a number of things that can cause this and some are physical, so my first task was to eliminate the physical causes, which would leave only the emotional/psychological.  And even here there can be many underlying causes, but if a man has a smaller than average sized penis, there's a good chance I can work with him to get his cock at full attention.

One client was a young, attractive, successful businessman.  He had a number of women who pursued him, but as powerful as he was in the world, he was utterly withdrawn in the bedroom.  His erect penis measured 3.5 inches in length and just a tad over 3 inches in girth (one of the smallest I had worked with).  When he was in high school, he had been humiliated by a girlfriend and she wasted no time in spreading the rumor of his underendowment. 

This deeply affected him and ruined his adult sex life.  When he came to me he had had a series of short relationships with women. The relationships ended in the bedroom -- not because of his size, but because of his utter fear of exposing himself.  He would never let them touch it, would never take it out of his underwear until he was fully erect.  But each time, instead of growing, it shrank even more. He said it was worse than what happens when it's cold.

In my office, I measure all my male clients, but I wasn't able to that first visit.  His penis retracted beneath his pubic hair so that all that was visible were his testicles.  It took several office visits where I had to dig deeper and get him to open up about his experiences before I was able to measure his penis.  He ejaculated just as I was measuring his girth.  He said it was the first time he'd ever been brought to orgasm by another person. 

He had a lot to overcome and sometimes just expressing it -- talking about it -- can make one accept tragic experiences and finally come to know that they are in the past. 

He finally met a woman he felt he could confide in.  After telling her everything, she took on the role of nurturing lover.  He said later it took about a week before he was confident enough to achieve a full erection and have a normal sex life with the woman who would become his wife.

If you have this problem, sometimes it's best to open up and communicate with a potential lover.  She should know ahead of time that you feel you have a small penis and this sometimes prevents you from achieving an erection.  If she laughs and breaks off the contact, then she wouldn't have been accepting of you or your penis in the first place.  But if she stays and takes on therole of a nurturing, understanding lover, then all you have to do is communicate, caress and touch.

She'll do the rest.

Men with Tiny Penises and Women with Large Breasts

I have had several female clients over the years who have come to me because either their husbands or boyfriends were under endowed and they were seeking help to deal with their lover's shortcomings or to help him overcome feelings of inadequacy.  The women as a group were representative of our population: white, hispanic, asian, black, tall, short, thin, athletic, average, obese, etc.  But a majority of them had another trait that I had never picked up on until one client finally blurted out in a session: "Why are men with small penises so attracted to women with large breasts?"

I told her that I didn't think that was the case, that men with small penises are no more likely to be attracted to a woman with large breasts as they are to a flat-chested woman.  She argued that she had  four lovers with small penises and two of her friends (both D cups) had three lovers each who did not measure up.  Her more modestly endowed friends either had one such lover or none at all.

I still didn't believe her, but when I went over my female clients over the past few years in my mind, I realized there was something there.  I contacted each of them and all were willing to give me their measurements.  As it turns out, 72% of my female clients who had lovers with small penises were a D cup or larger. And of those, 84% reported having at least one more lover who possessed a small erect penis and 76% reported having two or more previous under endowed lovers.  By contrast all of the modestly endowed women who came to me seeking help were experiencing a below average erect penis for the first time.

So what does this mean?  I don't know...My study is but a small sample of what's going on out there.  I do wonder, however, if men who feel inadequate are drawn to women with large breasts because there is something innately nurturing about them?

What do you think?

By the way, if you have a question and don't want the world to see your post, my email is in my profile. I do get a lot of email so please give me a week or two to respond.

Measuring Up

A few years ago a new female client complained that her husband's erect penis was too small to satisfy her.  This is a common complaint in my office from women because it is my specialty, but hers had a unique twist.  After my initial interview with her, I began to suspect that her husband's penis was probably average.  Before her husband, she only had sex with two other men in her life.  On our second session, I gave her a block of clay and asked her to sculpt as accurately as possible the length and girth of her husband's penis and of the two penises she has previously experienced.

The sculpture of her hsuband's penis measured 7 inches inl and 5 inches in girth.

The sculpture of her first lover's penis measured 8.5 inches in length and 5.5 inches in girth and the sculpture of the lover she had before her husband measured 9.25 inches in length and over 6.5 inches in girth.

Her husbands' erect penis is actually a bit above average, but because of her limited experience, she assumed he was quite below average.

I always preach that communication is the key to resolving all issues in the bedroom and this was no different.  She had to openly and honestly discuss the issue of penis size with him and it took over a month before she finally had the talk.  He was devastated at first, but after a few weeks decided to come with her to my office for a session.  He admitted he was quite aroused when she described her former lover's organs and was open to the idea of either watching her make love to a man with a larger penis or participating.  She, however, did not want to have a penis larger than his.  She wanted his penis to satisfy her.

I gave her a routine that included kagel exercises and masturbation, with her husband's help, with small dildos.  But after a month she still hadn't noticed much of a difference.  In the end, what worked for her was to in fact take on another lover. Not a lover with a large penis, but a lover with a very small one.  Her husband was able to experience his voyeuristic fantasies while she was able to recalibrate her vagina and mind to accept her husband's penis for the above-average organ it is.  After two love making sessions with her smaller lover, her husband was able to bring her to orgasm.  She told me later that her husband felt immensely larger and had never had better sex with him.

The couple is still together and she continues to retain the services of her small lover.

One of my female clients years ago said that a small penis works better than a decade's worth of kagel exercises.

In the end, just about any man can experience what it's like to have a small penis or even a large penis.  It just depends on the experiences of your current lover. 

Quick Draw

I have had several debates with colleagues regarding penis size and chronic premature ejaculation.  Granted there are many men out there who suffer from premature ejaculation for a variety of reasons, but I am focused on those men with small erect endowments who tend to ejaculate prematurely at a higher rate than men with average to above average erect endowments.

My belief is that a man with a small cock is so focused on his cock that any other sensation is almost ignored.  All he feels is the wetness and warmth surrounding his cock -- almost everything else is blocked out.  When this happens, the sensation is greatly heightened and ejaculation culminates in a matter of seconds.

One colleague feels that ejaculation is a kind of surrender or submission.  She feels that men with small cocks who suffer from chronic PE feel submissive when they have exposed their erections to a woman -- even one they trust and love -- and that ejacualtion is but an unconscious reaction of that submission.

I don't know...The men I've worked with have stated over and over that they think of nothing but their small cocks once they are erect in front of a lover.  Could they be unconsciouly submitting to their lovers? I don't know...

Of course, not all men who suffer from chronic PE have small penises.  And there are many men with average or larger cocks who suffer from PE, but even those who are average and above average can lose control if they focus only on their cocks.

For those men who feel they suffer because they have a small cock, they are already focusing too much on their cock.  It takes time and patience to learn how to enjoy every aspect of sex.  Again, it all boils down to open and honest communication.  If you suffer from PE and are constantly thinking about the size of your cock, tell your lover!  That simple act might open a dialogue that will lead to better understanding and better sex for both of you.

My advice for all lovers:

Ask direct questions; give explicit answers; share dark fantasies; tell your lover what you imagined the last time you masturbated; and take turns telling each other exactly what you want your lover to do

The Woman's Perspective

I have received a lot of emails from women who find themselves on a particular side of the penis size issue.  They are tired of hearing their lovers continually ask if their erect cock is too small for them.

This is a delicate issue because some of these men are genuinely concerned and worried that they are indeed too small.  But, as I have written before, honesty is always the best policy.  Most of the women who have written me said they dismissed their worries with a quick, "It's not small!" or "size doesn't matter!".  These responses are not likely to have the desired effect and will more likely lead to more worry and more questions.

There are also men who WANT to be told they have a small penis, whether they do or not.  This should be treated as any other fantasy/fetish in the bedroom between two honest and consenting adults.  My advice is, tell him what he wants to hear, but make sure that he plays along with any of your fantasies the next time.

But to those who are overly concerned...Here is what I would do:

Take your lover to the bedroom and ask him to remove all of his clothes while you do the same.  Then  ask him to lay on his back while you lie next to him and gently stroke his penis.  Don't talk to him and just shush him if he begins to talk.  Once he is fully erect, ask him if he thinks he has a below average penis.  What ever he says, tell him that the average erect penis is about 4.5 to 5.5 inches in length and about 4.0 to 4.75 inches in girth (objective part).  Then tell him what you think of his penis -- be honest!  (subjective part)  

Take out a fabric tape measure (which is made of cloth and not metal!) and measure his length and then his girth.  If he is average to above average in both categories, you can tell him so.  If he is below average in one category or both, you need to have an honest and deep discussion about his penis.  Start by examining it, note every vein, mole, wrinkle, etc.  You need to totally focus on his penis with your hands and words.  Tell him he has a beautiful penis, one worthy of your full attention.

If your lover asks about other lovers and their cocks, be honest.  If you try to shelter them from humiliation, they'll sense it, which is more humiliating than the truth.

This is something you will have to do at least four times a week for a few months.  They are obsessed with the size of their penis.  You need to share in that obsession for a while, too.

Russian Porn

It's been a long while since I have posted and I apologize. Life, it seems, is always busier than we plan for it to be. Hopefully I can post at least once a week.

I've discovered through a client that many adult websites have Russian or European porn in which men with small erect penises are not rare. With a little search, I was able to find numerous erotic images of men with very small cocks having sex -- usually young men with mature women.

Is this because Europeans are more open about sex than we are in the U.S.? None of the porn sites advertise then men as having small penises either; it's not that big a deal.

Just an observation I thought I would post...

Kat

Famous Erections

This week Keith Richard's book, Life, was released and in it he revealed that Mick Jagger, according to a lover they shared, has a tiny penis. This thrilled me when I first read it, but I know that such revelations are rarely true. And so I was not surprised when Mick's ex-wife Jerry Hall stated to the press that Mick was very well endowed.

Of course, none of his other lovers have stepped forward in his defense...So it does make one wonder.

But there are whispers around Hollywood regarding other celebrity penises -- most about who is well hung (David Letterman, Harrison Ford, Charlie Chaplin). I am interested in those on the opposite end of the penile spectrum. From what I have been able to gather, the smallest of the small belong to Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and potentially Kevin Costner (but Costner's smallness was observed flaccid in cold running water -- hardly a true test).

Have any of you heard of other famous men who possess a small erect penis?

The TS/CD Question

There are a number of transexuals and crossdressers out there who have very small erect penises. But, like all groups, there are also those with large penises and average penises. What seems to happen is that some straight men have begun to fantasize about transexuals who have very feminine qualities (what is often referred to as "passable") and a small erect penis fits the bill. It may be that some men would be turned off by a very effeminate shemale who was more endowed than they, but I think it has more to do with a small penis standing in for a large erect clitoris. Of course, there are also those men who crave well endowed shemales. This is why most websites cater to both. Where you might find ten groups about endowed shemales, there are usually one or two catering to the petite penis.

But these are just my ramblings. What say you?

To Tell or Not to Tell

This question keeps coming up in conversations with women who know what it is I specialize in: Is it ever OK to be honest and tell a man he has a small penis?

The answer depends on the man and the situation. In most cases, I always err on the side of honesty. Most men who have a small penis have already realized this fact. Those who a little shy about this fact may even ask up front if you think it's too small. "Too small" is of course calls for a subjective answer. You might think his penis is small, but not too small.

If this encounter is purely casual in nature and you aren't likely to ever sleep with this man again, I wouldn't stop you from just ignoring his short comings and just open your mind and body and enjoy the sex. But I think it is good and healthy in the long run for him to know exactly where he stacks up. Believe it or not, some men who possess very small erect penises have no idea they are small. The problem stems from the fact that when flaccid, their penis is a normal 3-4 inches. But when erect, they don't grow much at all. Most men, unless they are regular porn viewers, are only exposed to the flaccid penises of other men. If they "measure up" in this respect, they think they are normal. Remember that honesty should always come with compassion. Yes, their penis is small, but perhaps that doesn't matter to you, or maybe they are really good with other aspects of lovemaking.

If someone special to you possesses a small penis, it is always best to discuss this fact openly with other aspects of your love life. If you are in love, you should be able to discuss anything with your lover -- especially sex. And if you are both thinking the same thoughts about his penis anyway, it's best to just get it out in the open and deal with it.

Comparisons

It seems men are always curious about how they measure up. This is why they are more preoccupied with size than most females. But one dark side of life and relationships that truly brings this to the forefront is when a man's lover has an affair. The pain and humiliation is sometimes accompanied by a lingering -- nagging -- thought: I bet his penis is larger than mine. Believe it or not, this sudden fear is felt by men with average to large penises. But the men who are under-endowed suffer greatly. At the core, they are most certain the lover their girlfriend or wife had taken was more endowed than they. They wonder if she initiated the affair because she needed a larger penis; they wonder if she enjoyed it much more; and if she would ever be able to come back.

Men who suffer through this often suffer physiologically. Many are unable to achieve an erection -- not only with their unfaithful lover, but even new lovers. Only in private masturbation can their penis become erect. Another manifestation is severe premature ejaculation -- lasting only one or two thrusts and sometimes ejaculating before penetration. Sometimes this is combined. I had one client whose wife had an affair with a man whose penis was twice the size of his. They reconciled their relationship, but sex was non existent. He was unable to muster more than 1/2 an erection (about 2.5 inches and less than 3 inches in circumference -- his full status was 4 inches by 3.5 inches). Even with this, his wife still pursued intercourse, but he either ejaculated in her hand as she guided him in, or once he penetrated -- before even thrusting.

He was one who never accepted his penis was small -- never wanted to think about it or confront his insecurity. It wasn't until his wife had the affair that he had to face this powerful internal fear. Part of their therapy was to accept his small penis, and to realize this was only one part of who he is as a man and lover. His wife opened up about her feelings towards him as a husband and as a lover. She also discussed in detail lovers she had previous to their relationship and did the same with her three encounters with her latest lover. While she divulged her sexual history, I had her gently caress his penis. Within thirty minutes, he was completely erect, but ejaculated almost at once. I had her continue caressing and discussing in detail her sexual history. When she was done, he was fully erect again. I told her to mount him and to move very slowly. He was able to last about five minutes.

This, of course, did not take place on their first session, but on their 9th. It took quite a while for them both to open up. But theirs is a story of comparisons -- ones many make each day. How often do you hear about a woman cheating on her husband and wonder, I bet her lover has a bigger penis than her husband!
It's a thought mostly shared by men, but a popular one nonetheless.

Length Vs. Girth

It seems many men who feel they have a small penis and are more apt to share that fact on websites and have harbor deep desires for humiliation focus mostly on length. They feel if their erect penis doesn't quite reach six inches, they are under-endowed. Length certainly plays a part in what makes a penis small, but it may not be the most significant measurement. Girth is the one key measurement many men overlook when deciding if they possess a small penis. If a man has a six inch erect penis, but has a girth of under 4 inches -- many women would consider that lover to possess a very small penis. Take a man with a 5 inch penis with a 5 inch girth, and you will get an entirely different reaction.

Most women who say size matters focus mostly on girth. It is no surprise that men who have a measured girth of under 4 inches are more apt to be extremely sensitive to this. Most of these men would be mortified by any form of humiliation; their private torture is endured each and every day. This is magnified ten fold if their penis is also below average in length. These poor men do not like lovers to see them naked and prefer as little touching of their private parts as possible. Most of the clients I have worked with who possess such penises take much, much longer to come out of their shell.

But, like all things, communication is always the key. If you have such a penis and are privately enduring this torture, you need to learn to come out of your shell. This kind of internal humiliation is not healthy. You need to first open up -- to yourself. Accept the fact that you have a small penis. So what? Many have small ears, small hands, small breasts -- they are all body parts and they are supposed to come in a variety of shapes and sizes. That's what makes us all different, and it's what makes sex so stimulating and exciting.

Once you have accepted this fact -- open up to your lover. Tell them everything you have suffered for so long. Then tell them you are ready to open a new chapter in your life, and that, with their help, you would love to learn how to enjoy sex.

The last sentence above is true -- most of these men do not enjoy sex. Their orgasm comes quick and there is always a lingering self mutilation of their psyche.

Accept it to yourself; open up to your lover; and move on with your life.

Porn and the Small Penis II

I know I had posted on this topic before, but I have received many comments (both here and via email) regarding penis size and the porn industry. There are a few websites out there who occasionally post a sex series with a man who is less than endowed. But there aren't many and those who do usually post in the context of Fem-Domme, humiliation, and cuckoldry. Those are fine fetishes and fantasies to have, but they cannot be the sole outlet for images of men who have small penises having sex. Many young men visit porn sites and feel that the men pictured represent the norm when they are anything but. Follow this with an inbox full of ads for increased penis size and you can see how an unhealthy complex can evolve. It doesn't stop there. Young women reaching out into the internet to learn about sex are bombarded with the same images and the same ads at times. This gives them a skewed perspective on the male penis.

The key is, as always, communication and openness. Women and men should openly discuss this issue.

Humiliation

Of all the men who have small penises, there are three basic types:

1. Those who are ashamed of their penis and utterly paralyzed by the thought of being called out by a lover.

2. Those who are ashamed of their penis, but are aroused by humiliation of their lack of endowment.

3. Those who are not ashamed of their penis and never will be.


Number one and three are understandable, but number two is a little odd. It is a common need and theme in online adult sites -- look at all the cuckold and submissive male sites on the Internet. There is a desire for submissiveness in some men and some women that manifests itself in different ways. There are some men, for example, who do not possess small penises, yet they desire to be humiliated for having a pathetically small penis.

Humiliation is actually more common than most know and it is something that is not damaging as long as both participants take it for what it is -- a form of role playing by consensual adults to heighten sexual pleasure. My advice to men who desire this is to be open and honest with your lover. If this is what you want, describe in detail what you would like her to do and say (and try to explain, as best you can, why). Make it part of a larger discussion about sexual desire and fantasies. Ladies, my advice to you is to listen, try to understand your lover's wants and needs and to take a chance and play along. This kind of fantasy puts you in a very dominant position in bed -- you might find you like it!

The Diversity of Small Penises

Some of the questions I'm often ask revolve around race, hand size, foot size, etc. Women and men both want to know if there is some measurable trait that men possess which directly correlates to the size of their penis.

To date, I have found no significant trait that relates to penis size. Of all my clients, about 25% are African American (only 10% are Asian). Some of the smallest penises measured in my office were on men who stood the tallest and had the biggest hands. One belonged to a 6'5" African American basketball player who had size 15 shoes -- 4 inches by 4 inches.

Of course, I have seen more than a few African Americans who possess quite average sized penises, but feel they are inadequate because of perceptions that they must be endowed due to their race.

But, overall, I have seen men in my office of all colors and sizes who had erect penises that qualify as small.

The young stud muffin above would garner looks of lust and wanting from many women of all ages were he lounging near a pool. How many would believe he had a small penis?

And honestly, how many would care?

Couples

As I wrote before, some of my clients were couples. Most times the wife felt her husband's penis was fine, but his insecurity about the issue was a true problem. Working on that confidence took many therapy sessions. It required a major change of perception on his part and a small change in perception on her part.

One couple I worked with was very typical. He felt he had a small penis and often wondered about his wife's ex-boyfriends -- sure they were all more endowed than he. His wife ignored his insecurity and tried to just comfort him with the typical talking points: "I don't think it's small" and "It doesn't matter to me."

Both were swimming against their relationship. The key was getting her to open up about sex and to objectify men as sex objects -- just for a moment -- so that she might begin to understand everything from his perspective. Her husband did have a small penis (4 inches in length and 3.75 inches in girth -- measured by his wife in my office). She was an educated woman and knew the average male erection was about 5 inches. Once she admitted to her husband that his erect penis was below average, he actually seemed a little aroused (no pun intended). Then I got her to open up about her former lovers -- focusing on their penises. I had her shape and mold my office clay to replicate -- as best she could -- the largest penis she ever had and the smallest penis she ever had. Much to her husband's surprise, her smallest lover was not him -- she had a lover whose penis was slightly thinner and an inch shorter than his. The largest penis she ever had was an average 6 inches by 4.75 inches. So her husband's penis was not that much different and she never focused on it.

His paradigm shift came a few session after that. He began to see that his penis was not focal point he thought it was. Each finally understood the perspective of the other. The last session I had them remove their clothes and talk frankly about sex, what each fantasized about, what needs they had, and what they most enjoyed about having sex with each other. The session ended with her getting up from her chair and, facing him, sitting down on his erect penis. They rhythmically moved together in quick waves, moaning and kissing until his moan morphed into a deep cry. Then they slowly stopped, still kissing. I never saw them again after that, but I did hear that they were still going strong five years later.

Small Penis Therapy

The first thing that I must do when a man comes into my office complaining of having a penis that is too small, I have to confirm that he does indeed possess a small penis. I have had men tell me their size and I have had men expose their flaccid penis in my office, but I have to get an accurate measurement while they are erect. It is a difficult thing to do for them because, as I have posted before, a man is never more vulnerable than when his erection is exposed.

Although I have worked as a sex surrogate, my profession now is strictly counseling, so touching a client's penis is strictly forbidden. Instead, I have the men pull down their pants and underwear and slowly stroke themselves until they are fully erect. I then have them measure their own penis with a fabric tape measure -- length and girth at the mid-shaft. If they are truly small, then my counseling goes in one direction. But if they are not, then my counseling focuses on the reasons why they feel they have a small penis.

One client came into my office and, like most, was extremely nervous about exposing his erection. His penis rose about half way up, then stopped. The head didn't swell or turn a different shade. But he took the tape and began to measure. I stopped him and said that he wasn't fully erect. He said that he was and so I was stumped. I know that men's erections are all different -- not only are they different sizes, but they present themselves in different ways. But my instincts told me that he had a little more to grow. Perhaps he has some mental block that prevents him from becoming fully erect? Perhaps he has some physical problem...My mind compiled all the possibilities.

Yet, he insisted he was fully erect. Without thinking, I reached out and grasped his penis. Two things happened. 1. I realized he WAS fully erect. And 2. He ejaculated the instant my hand touched his penis. In my surrogate days, this was a common occurrence and the men always reacted with a little humiliation while apologizing over and over. But this man was different. When he ejaculated, he did so with powerful thrusts and moans. His semen pulsed all the way to my blouse and I was an arm's length away. This is when I realized my hand was still grasping his penis, I never let go. He was grateful and he thanked me over and over. I felt horrible. I had broken a sacred trust by touching a client in a sexual manner. I continued to counsel him, but it was difficult because he always expected me to please him in some way. I must confess, when he came on my blouse, I tingled all over. I felt powerful -- and wet.

In the end, he became my lover. It was a passionate affair that lasted two years before we went our separate ways.

Just for the record, his erect penis measured 3 and three quarter inches in length and 3 and a half inches in girth at the mid-shaft.

Erect vs. Flaccid

There are a number of men who feel they possess a small penis when, in fact, they possess is a small flaccid penis, but an average or above average erect penis. Many men with small flaccid penises are subjected to humiliation as they undress in front of other men -- usually in a locker room environment. This humiliation can leave psychological scars that last a lifetime, regardless of how endowed they are when erect. But one thing that becomes obvious when one becomes sexually experienced is that flaccid size has very little relationship to erect size. I know that the men who have been teased by others for having a small penis have real issues and often lack sexual confidence. It takes quite a lot of therapy to alter their perception of themselves.

But the ones I am most interested in are those who have small erect penises. A man is most vulnerable when he exposes his erect penis to a lover. This is why so many (not all!) men who have small penises are submissive. Women who humiliate their lovers for having a small penis (either verbally or through infidelity) have a much greater impact on their psyche. Of course, there are a number of men who relish the idea of being humiliated by a woman for having an under-sized erection, which takes us back to my previous post: cuckoldry.

How many of you have small erections and how man have small flaccid penises, and, how many of you have both?

Cuckold

Some men who possess a small penis have cuckold fantasies, though most, in reality, only pursue this fantasy online -- never sharing their desires with their wife or lover. There are a few who actually live this lifestyle, but it is not one I recommend unless you and your lover have a strong relationship. Many relationships have dissolved because of the introduction of one or more lovers into the bedroom. It takes a special couple to successfully live the cuckold lifestyle where both achieve some measure of pleasure and still keep their love for one another alive.

I would like to put the question to you. Do any of you have cuckold fantasies? If so, why? What do you think is the root cause for this desire?